23 weeks

Today I’d like to start out with a dream I had last night. This is going to be a bit lengthy, so if you are not interested, just skip down to the part of this post that’s related to my pregnancy.

This was a very emotional and vivid dream. I usually dream very vividly, maybe even more so since I’m pregnant, but I don’t believe I ever really remembered this many small details about a dream.

We were having a party, two days, not straight through but one after another, with the same guests. The first day went great, although I don’t remember much of it. I don’t recognize any of the people that were there except Abby. Of course in my dream I did know them all. Abby was there with someone, I’m pretty sure it was Ed, but the figure wasn’t clear, as if it wasn’t important to know who it was. You know, like an unfocused dream image. Abby was wearing white and pale yellow, skirt and shirt.

Somehow Peter and I managed to get a game in between those two party days. A board game that took up our entire table. It was something like Runebound, but not sure what exactly—could’ve been a whole new breed, too. Somehow that table was clear when the guests arrived the next morning, while I was nervous we wouldn’t get ready in time. I didn’t know where it had gone, and I’m not sure whether I liked that or not.

Early on I noticed we had run very low on small paper plates and napkins. I told Peter I’d go and get some more but he insisted to go himself. He also wanted to take the opportunity to pick up a new pair of shoes, cuz he needed a replacement (he really does). He was going to get everything from a gas station convenience store that was down below by the building we were having the party in. I wasn’t fond of the idea he’d try to find new shoes, as that would take too long. He left anyway.

Guests started arriving. Abby among them. Peter hadn’t gotten back yet. I started to look for him, and found he’d left the sample paper plate and napkin he was supposed to take with him to get the right stuff. I got nervous, looked at the gas station. His truck was there, but he was not. Oddly enough, it painted the image “he never left” in my mind. Although he was going to get the stuff at the gas station. Very strange.

There was some kind of festival going on at that same time—huge! I ran around on the festival grounds and began screaming as loud and long as I could the name of my favorite character in my book series. As if he could help me somehow… I could see his face clearly in my mind, too, just as I imagine him. The people around me looked and laughed at me. Not sure if they laughed because I was screaming so loud or because that fantasy name was an odd one to be screaming for. I continued searching. For Peter.

There were a few women who asked me to sign something, like an autograph, but I didn’t want to. (No I was not famous or my series traditionally published in my dream as far as I know). One of them came and held a square piece of paper that was not evenly cut. It had long black arrows along each edge/side pointing clockwise. The paper was maybe 2×2 inches. I think that’s what she wanted me to sign on. The other women didn’t hold anything up; they simply wanted me to sign. I don’t know what. I refused and said something like: “A signature doesn’t mean security.” And I believe I said that in German… I gave them another saying about security, also in German, but I don’t remember it. But they liked it very much. One of them wrote those sayings down, as if it was some kind of revelation. She was next to a woman holding another woman, who was hanging from some ladder or something, maybe some toy climbing set-up thing. I don’t know. It looked dangerous, like she was trying to get her back up or something. It was unimportant. I continued looking for Peter.

There was a looooong stretched table at which people were competing in baking bread and apple cakes. They were all very cramped in there. There were so many competitors baking. On one side was a tall shelf with packages of what they were baking…. Kind of lame if you ask me but completely valid in my dream. I searched there because I knew Peter wanted to bake an apple cake. He wasn’t there.

Then, as dreams usually just change scene (like teleportation) I found myself on a small train. On my way, still looking for Peter. Ahead I saw some American cop cars turning at a T-shaped intersection. I was coming from the south, they from the west. But they weren’t driving, they were more like sliding and crushing against whatever there was to the east. I don’t know, houses, some kind of walls—it’s blurry, like Ed. I wasn’t sure what was going on, until I saw another police car—they must have been escorting a train—with a train right behind it. Both sliding. The moment I saw that, I knew two things: 1. There was a huge accident in the making. 2. Peter was on that train.

I realized instantly that train was going to come around that corner and collide with the train I was on. I ran as far back as I could in the little time I had, cowered down and prayed I’d survive. I closed my eyes. Then I was gone, like as if I was knocked out or something. I felt nothing, noticed nothing of what happened, but I was still consciously there in a way. I knew when it was over, when I could open my eyes again. I opened them and thanked God for letting me survive. So I could continue. To look for Peter.

I quickly picked up some small items that had fallen on the floor, which I felt were very important somehow. Somehow in relation to Peter. I can’t remember all of the items except two: there were a couple of small pink crystals (no bigger than your pinky nail) which were from a board game I got as a child in Germany. I still own that game—it’s sitting in our soon-to-be nursery right now. And then there were one or two crystals of the same type, except those were real, not plastic, and shined and sparkled in a much darker shade of pink. It was beautiful.

So I quickly grabbed the stuff and put it in my pocket. Then I looked around, unsure which direction to go in this train wreck to search for Peter. There came a woman in a blue uniform. She must have been either an employee for traffic support or something else important. She told me she’d just come from that side, pointing behind her, south, so I’d have to go the other way, north. There was nearly nothing left of the wagon I’d been in, just the floor and some clutter, a total mess. And I seemed to be in some kind of underground railroad system, a tunnel. Yet while I was riding, before the collision, we were outside.

I found the train wreck of the one Peter was on. I didn’t have to go far. They were like connected, as if it was just one train, not two. I began searching every room on each side. This part wasn’t set up like a train—it was like an office building. In each room there were business people going about their business. No injured or dead, just busy people, working. They looked at me as if to say, get out you are disturbing us. Some of them looked familiar, somehow in connection with Peter. In real life I don’t recognize any of their faces. I kept looking until I got to the end of the first wagon. I turned back because there seemed to be a dead end (that “hallway” was a busy, untidy office room and one person was sitting at a desk). Then I turned around again, as I realized the door was there—it was just narrow and blending in. I found it and went through. Again looking on each side into each room. As I was leaving one room, just about to close the door, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around.
He looked fine! No blood or anything.
He was wearing a blue silk shirt.
Peter doesn’t own a blue silk shirt… (he owns a green one though).
I don’t know what I was wearing, or anyone else for that matter (except Abby, and some other woman, a party guest, who was wearing a white summer dress). It’s not that I don’t remember – it’s just that it wasn’t part of the dream… hm!
I embraced Peter and began to cry.
Harder. And harder.
I was so happy he was unharmed. (yea, like anyone else in the train was, right…?!). It felt like there had been so many dead and injured that it was almost a miracle that Peter was well and unharmed.

And as it happens, every time I cry in my dreams, I also always cry in real life, and I always know and become aware of the fact that I’m dreaming and that I’m crying. And then I wake up. This was no different. I woke up and I knew I’d cried. And sure enough, my eyes were wet.
I’d slept a total of five hours.
I was not pregnant in my dream…
And no, we did not watch some kind of horror movie that night.

So, anyone care to interpret? So whacked!

23 weeks – next week is going to be another important milestone!

For the most part in the past week Savina has been rather quiet, i.e. not kicking very much. I know it’s normal not to feel the baby all the time, and that there will be days I may not feel her at all. As long as I get one kick a day I’m satisfied. It’s all I have to believe she’s really there and well! It’s also around this time that it’s common to feel baby less. I read somewhere that the baby sleeps 12-14 hours a day now. And she is on a growth spurt, which will also slow her down in the kicking department. Yesterday was finally a really busy day again. Felt her a lot in the morning, at dinner time, and then when Peter and I spent some time playing together, lotro. She likes the game, I guess. Go go go, heal daddy, Peter would say. It’s too precious.

Saturday we picked up Savina’s crib, yay! We haven’t unpacked it yet though, as we still need to make room in what is going to be the nursery. That basement has not come along very far recently as poor DH had some sprained muscle or something, causing him a lot of back pain during the past week.
We also found a bureau, woohoo! We found that one online at Walmart and are waiting for it to ship to the store so we can pick it up. It was under $150 and looked great on the pictures with great reviews! And – it’s cherry, so it’ll work well with the crib. Can’t wait to see it in person!

I’ve been reading to Savina from a German book for children. I’ve also been reading more in the hypnobirthing book my wonderful midwife lent me. Some of the breathing techniques are interesting. And I noticed they actually help. I’d been a little crampy one day and figured, let’s try that breathing technique. I tried it, and whenever I breathed in, I could not feel the cramps anymore. How amazing! I also listened to the CD that came with it, trying to really relax. I actually fell asleep after a while haha, woke up as it was just ending. I’m not sure if I was deeply relaxed or fast asleep lol Practicing this on my own is difficult. Wish I had the money to take the course *sigh*.

One afternoon I listened to the second part of the CD, which is designed to communicate your love to your baby, together with your partner. It’s a kind of pre-parenting. Since Peter wasn’t around and I wanted to check it out, I did it by myself. I layed down on my left side and, as the CD instructed, placed my right hand on my belly. As the voice progressed through the program, Savina started kicking! I felt so close to her. I repeated this exercise with Peter that evening. I think he had a hard time at first. I also think he felt it was kind of silly, the message on the CD.
And he breathed too fast. Luckily for him, I’m the one who needs to get the breathing down to a science. Although, he used his nose as an excuse (he can breathe through only one nostril), which is silly. Yep, you read it right, dear, it’s silly. I held one of my nostrils shut and was still able to breathe slowly. So, your excuse has no grounds :p lol Afterwards we watched some documentations about newborns. They were really interesting. And Savina seemed to think the same thing. She began to kick and was moving and kicking through almost the entire documentation. When it was over she stopped, I put the next disc in, started it up, and she kicked again haha.

Mommy update: My weight has been all over the place again this week. One morning I have suddenly 2 pounds more on the scale, the next day they are gone for three days, then I got the extra 2 pounds again, then it goes down again, and then it shoots right up even higher. It’s the weirdest thing lol I haven’t felt as many cramps this week, actually hardly any. Maybe twice, or three times, counting this morning. Instead I’ve had some more Braxton Hicks contractions. I can now pretty much almost always tell when they are coming. I don’t get them a lot, and definitely not regularely. And they don’t hurt. So I’m not worried in the least.

Baby spotlight: I’ve been able to see my belly bounce as Savina kicked during the documentaries. I pointed it out to Peter and he smiled. I didn’t want to place my hand there, because she often stops when I do that. So I just kind of had fun watching her.
Our baby girl is starting to make antibodies and her heart beat should be getting stronger. Her lips are becoming more distinct and her eyes have completely formed.

Below are my belly pics for 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I look a lot bigger in those pictures than I actually am. I don’t know – it may be the shirt, the zoom, or the angle, but I look huuuuge in this one.

(click to enlarge)

22w2d – wow I’m really not that big!



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