23 weeks

Today I’d like to start out with a dream I had last night. This is going to be a bit lengthy, so if you are not interested, just skip down to the part of this post that’s related to my pregnancy.

This was a very emotional and vivid dream. I usually dream very vividly, maybe even more so since I’m pregnant, but I don’t believe I ever really remembered this many small details about a dream.

We were having a party, two days, not straight through but one after another, with the same guests. The first day went great, although I don’t remember much of it. I don’t recognize any of the people that were there except Abby. Of course in my dream I did know them all. Abby was there with someone, I’m pretty sure it was Ed, but the figure wasn’t clear, as if it wasn’t important to know who it was. You know, like an unfocused dream image. Abby was wearing white and pale yellow, skirt and shirt.

Somehow Peter and I managed to get a game in between those two party days. A board game that took up our entire table. It was something like Runebound, but not sure what exactly—could’ve been a whole new breed, too. Somehow that table was clear when the guests arrived the next morning, while I was nervous we wouldn’t get ready in time. I didn’t know where it had gone, and I’m not sure whether I liked that or not.

Early on I noticed we had run very low on small paper plates and napkins. I told Peter I’d go and get some more but he insisted to go himself. He also wanted to take the opportunity to pick up a new pair of shoes, cuz he needed a replacement (he really does). He was going to get everything from a gas station convenience store that was down below by the building we were having the party in. I wasn’t fond of the idea he’d try to find new shoes, as that would take too long. He left anyway.

Guests started arriving. Abby among them. Peter hadn’t gotten back yet. I started to look for him, and found he’d left the sample paper plate and napkin he was supposed to take with him to get the right stuff. I got nervous, looked at the gas station. His truck was there, but he was not. Oddly enough, it painted the image “he never left” in my mind. Although he was going to get the stuff at the gas station. Very strange.

There was some kind of festival going on at that same time—huge! I ran around on the festival grounds and began screaming as loud and long as I could the name of my favorite character in my book series. As if he could help me somehow… I could see his face clearly in my mind, too, just as I imagine him. The people around me looked and laughed at me. Not sure if they laughed because I was screaming so loud or because that fantasy name was an odd one to be screaming for. I continued searching. For Peter.

There were a few women who asked me to sign something, like an autograph, but I didn’t want to. (No I was not famous or my series traditionally published in my dream as far as I know). One of them came and held a square piece of paper that was not evenly cut. It had long black arrows along each edge/side pointing clockwise. The paper was maybe 2×2 inches. I think that’s what she wanted me to sign on. The other women didn’t hold anything up; they simply wanted me to sign. I don’t know what. I refused and said something like: “A signature doesn’t mean security.” And I believe I said that in German… I gave them another saying about security, also in German, but I don’t remember it. But they liked it very much. One of them wrote those sayings down, as if it was some kind of revelation. She was next to a woman holding another woman, who was hanging from some ladder or something, maybe some toy climbing set-up thing. I don’t know. It looked dangerous, like she was trying to get her back up or something. It was unimportant. I continued looking for Peter.

There was a looooong stretched table at which people were competing in baking bread and apple cakes. They were all very cramped in there. There were so many competitors baking. On one side was a tall shelf with packages of what they were baking…. Kind of lame if you ask me but completely valid in my dream. I searched there because I knew Peter wanted to bake an apple cake. He wasn’t there.

Then, as dreams usually just change scene (like teleportation) I found myself on a small train. On my way, still looking for Peter. Ahead I saw some American cop cars turning at a T-shaped intersection. I was coming from the south, they from the west. But they weren’t driving, they were more like sliding and crushing against whatever there was to the east. I don’t know, houses, some kind of walls—it’s blurry, like Ed. I wasn’t sure what was going on, until I saw another police car—they must have been escorting a train—with a train right behind it. Both sliding. The moment I saw that, I knew two things: 1. There was a huge accident in the making. 2. Peter was on that train.

I realized instantly that train was going to come around that corner and collide with the train I was on. I ran as far back as I could in the little time I had, cowered down and prayed I’d survive. I closed my eyes. Then I was gone, like as if I was knocked out or something. I felt nothing, noticed nothing of what happened, but I was still consciously there in a way. I knew when it was over, when I could open my eyes again. I opened them and thanked God for letting me survive. So I could continue. To look for Peter.

I quickly picked up some small items that had fallen on the floor, which I felt were very important somehow. Somehow in relation to Peter. I can’t remember all of the items except two: there were a couple of small pink crystals (no bigger than your pinky nail) which were from a board game I got as a child in Germany. I still own that game—it’s sitting in our soon-to-be nursery right now. And then there were one or two crystals of the same type, except those were real, not plastic, and shined and sparkled in a much darker shade of pink. It was beautiful.

So I quickly grabbed the stuff and put it in my pocket. Then I looked around, unsure which direction to go in this train wreck to search for Peter. There came a woman in a blue uniform. She must have been either an employee for traffic support or something else important. She told me she’d just come from that side, pointing behind her, south, so I’d have to go the other way, north. There was nearly nothing left of the wagon I’d been in, just the floor and some clutter, a total mess. And I seemed to be in some kind of underground railroad system, a tunnel. Yet while I was riding, before the collision, we were outside.

I found the train wreck of the one Peter was on. I didn’t have to go far. They were like connected, as if it was just one train, not two. I began searching every room on each side. This part wasn’t set up like a train—it was like an office building. In each room there were business people going about their business. No injured or dead, just busy people, working. They looked at me as if to say, get out you are disturbing us. Some of them looked familiar, somehow in connection with Peter. In real life I don’t recognize any of their faces. I kept looking until I got to the end of the first wagon. I turned back because there seemed to be a dead end (that “hallway” was a busy, untidy office room and one person was sitting at a desk). Then I turned around again, as I realized the door was there—it was just narrow and blending in. I found it and went through. Again looking on each side into each room. As I was leaving one room, just about to close the door, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around.
Peter!
He looked fine! No blood or anything.
He was wearing a blue silk shirt.
Peter doesn’t own a blue silk shirt… (he owns a green one though).
I don’t know what I was wearing, or anyone else for that matter (except Abby, and some other woman, a party guest, who was wearing a white summer dress). It’s not that I don’t remember – it’s just that it wasn’t part of the dream… hm!
I embraced Peter and began to cry.
Harder. And harder.
I was so happy he was unharmed. (yea, like anyone else in the train was, right…?!). It felt like there had been so many dead and injured that it was almost a miracle that Peter was well and unharmed.

And as it happens, every time I cry in my dreams, I also always cry in real life, and I always know and become aware of the fact that I’m dreaming and that I’m crying. And then I wake up. This was no different. I woke up and I knew I’d cried. And sure enough, my eyes were wet.
I’d slept a total of five hours.
I was not pregnant in my dream…
 
And no, we did not watch some kind of horror movie that night.

So, anyone care to interpret? So whacked!

23 weeks – next week is going to be another important milestone!

For the most part in the past week Savina has been rather quiet, i.e. not kicking very much. I know it’s normal not to feel the baby all the time, and that there will be days I may not feel her at all. As long as I get one kick a day I’m satisfied. It’s all I have to believe she’s really there and well! It’s also around this time that it’s common to feel baby less. I read somewhere that the baby sleeps 12-14 hours a day now. And she is on a growth spurt, which will also slow her down in the kicking department. Yesterday was finally a really busy day again. Felt her a lot in the morning, at dinner time, and then when Peter and I spent some time playing together, lotro. She likes the game, I guess. Go go go, heal daddy, Peter would say. It’s too precious.

Saturday we picked up Savina’s crib, yay! We haven’t unpacked it yet though, as we still need to make room in what is going to be the nursery. That basement has not come along very far recently as poor DH had some sprained muscle or something, causing him a lot of back pain during the past week.
We also found a bureau, woohoo! We found that one online at Walmart and are waiting for it to ship to the store so we can pick it up. It was under $150 and looked great on the pictures with great reviews! And – it’s cherry, so it’ll work well with the crib. Can’t wait to see it in person!

I’ve been reading to Savina from a German book for children. I’ve also been reading more in the hypnobirthing book my wonderful midwife lent me. Some of the breathing techniques are interesting. And I noticed they actually help. I’d been a little crampy one day and figured, let’s try that breathing technique. I tried it, and whenever I breathed in, I could not feel the cramps anymore. How amazing! I also listened to the CD that came with it, trying to really relax. I actually fell asleep after a while haha, woke up as it was just ending. I’m not sure if I was deeply relaxed or fast asleep lol Practicing this on my own is difficult. Wish I had the money to take the course *sigh*.

One afternoon I listened to the second part of the CD, which is designed to communicate your love to your baby, together with your partner. It’s a kind of pre-parenting. Since Peter wasn’t around and I wanted to check it out, I did it by myself. I layed down on my left side and, as the CD instructed, placed my right hand on my belly. As the voice progressed through the program, Savina started kicking! I felt so close to her. I repeated this exercise with Peter that evening. I think he had a hard time at first. I also think he felt it was kind of silly, the message on the CD.
And he breathed too fast. Luckily for him, I’m the one who needs to get the breathing down to a science. Although, he used his nose as an excuse (he can breathe through only one nostril), which is silly. Yep, you read it right, dear, it’s silly. I held one of my nostrils shut and was still able to breathe slowly. So, your excuse has no grounds :p lol Afterwards we watched some documentations about newborns. They were really interesting. And Savina seemed to think the same thing. She began to kick and was moving and kicking through almost the entire documentation. When it was over she stopped, I put the next disc in, started it up, and she kicked again haha.

Mommy update: My weight has been all over the place again this week. One morning I have suddenly 2 pounds more on the scale, the next day they are gone for three days, then I got the extra 2 pounds again, then it goes down again, and then it shoots right up even higher. It’s the weirdest thing lol I haven’t felt as many cramps this week, actually hardly any. Maybe twice, or three times, counting this morning. Instead I’ve had some more Braxton Hicks contractions. I can now pretty much almost always tell when they are coming. I don’t get them a lot, and definitely not regularely. And they don’t hurt. So I’m not worried in the least.

Baby spotlight: I’ve been able to see my belly bounce as Savina kicked during the documentaries. I pointed it out to Peter and he smiled. I didn’t want to place my hand there, because she often stops when I do that. So I just kind of had fun watching her.
Our baby girl is starting to make antibodies and her heart beat should be getting stronger. Her lips are becoming more distinct and her eyes have completely formed.

Below are my belly pics for 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I look a lot bigger in those pictures than I actually am. I don’t know – it may be the shirt, the zoom, or the angle, but I look huuuuge in this one.

(click to enlarge)

22w2d – wow I’m really not that big!

22w2d

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22 weeks and an after-party surprise

What a busy week! Our sweet baby was rather quiet during the party on Saturday, but that could also have to do with me standing around all the time, since I feel our little one more easily when I sit than when I stand. Okay, let’s take a step back here and briefly talk about the ultrasound before I go on about the party.

We drove from the Cape up to Hanover, which is about an hour drive – it was totally worth it! I highly recommend A New Conception for any elective ultrasound you choose to get. For about $150 we got to see our little one in 2D and 3D/4D. We received a CD with over 40 images taken and a DVD with the complete session recorded and set to beautiful lullabies. We also received numerous printouts, a plush bear with the recording of our baby’s heartbeat and some other goodies.

The session itself was just too precious! As most of you already know, our baby is a sweet little baby girl! When I saw that word pop up on the ultrasound image, I almost cried! I was and am so happy! Not only did this make it more real, but I was overwhelmed by having my dream of having a daughter come true.

Hi Mommy, hi Daddy, I’m a girl!

Our precious baby girl smiling hello to us 🙂

Our little girl is a poser, too. When we first saw her on the ultrasound, she smiled at us. Sooo adorable!

She also showed us a sweet yawn, and then she pouted. She kept putting her toes in her eye–too funny! She also once stuck her tongue out! She eventually put her finger in her mouth, then she put it to her nose, then in her mouth again. In the end, she decided it was time to put all her fingers in her mouth! I couldn’t and can’t get over how cute she is!

We have named her Savina Celestiale. Her middle name means heavenly one which I think fits her perfectly well. This baby girl is definitely a blessing from heaven! Savina the heavenly one 🙂

After the ultrasound we went out to dinner. Then we went straight to Babies ‘R’ us. I just couldn’t resist buying her first clothes. Look at that, aren’t they just adorable?

Savina’s first set of clothes

so cute

Sorry they are sideways, they aren’t like that on my computer, but WordPress would crash my IE every time I tried to flip them back! Grrr.

So, Friday just before the party, I got an email from Babies ‘R’ us about a really good deal they were having that weekend. 25% off ANY crib, if you buy a mattress $125 or more. So worth it, considering we would have most likely chosen a mattress of that price anyway. So we went in and bought a crib. The one we originally had layed our eyes on was not available, but for the same price we got one that’s almost the same. It looks extremely similar to the one we had picked before, only that it is cherry instead of chocolate brown:

Savina’s crib

The crib should arrive within about a week. Can’t wait! We hadn’t originally planned to pick it up this early, but we saved $100 with this deal, so we couldn’t just let that go by. We have already picked out most of our items for Savina, too – definitely all the big stuff. The bedding theme is picked out (butterflies), a playard which will be her travel crib, a portable swing, a rocking bassinet, and a high chair. We also looked at some strollers and have a good idea which one we want, but we haven’t picked it out yet. The one thing we haven’t found yet is the rest of the nursery furniture, that is the bureaus. It’s hard to find anything under $200, so we are not sure what we’ll be able to get, if anything. The bureaus we have in the nursery right now should go in the basement living room–they just don’t fit with the rest of the nursery, in my opinion. Plus, we need them to store our own stuff.

Our Voting Board

So Saturday was the party. Everyone seemed very interested in my voting board with the list of old wives tales and how my pregnancy symptoms relate to them.

The food was great, although I hardly got to eat anything because I was too busy talking with everyone haha. Thank you Georgia, for the most delicious deviled eggs! Some guests brought by some first gifts for Savina. You really didn’t have to, but thank you so much! We love them!

It was really hard, by the way, not to use pronouns when referring to our baby, before we revealed the gender. Peter even called her a “him” once by accident and everyone thought he’d given it away haha, little did they know… People tend to not believe it when someone explains why they said or did something. They always think it was some kind of “freudian slip” or something. Well guess what: this time you were wrong. lol

Sooo, when it came time to open the pinata to reveal our baby’s gender, most guests became very shy! :p haha. Where were the kids when we needed them? Those that planned to come, cancelled. Well, kids, you missed out. Look at how much fun your mommies had opening that pinata:

getting ready to pull

It’s a girl! 🙂

After the party Peter and I relaxed and watched a movie. This is where the title of this blog post comes in. As we layed down to be entertained, our baby girl decided to take care of the entertainment for that afternoon. She started kicking. I have developed a habit of holding my hand on my belly when we watch tv, hoping when I feel her kick from the inside, I’ll also feel it from the outside. And there! I thought I felt something, so I quickly put Peter’s hand on my belly. Did you feel that?! I think so! Woooaaaa, yay! It was a fairly strong kick too. Peter wasn’t sure, but I’m pretty sure, as it was stronger than the one I felt just moments before from the outside. After that she kicked a few more times, but weaker, and Peter wasn’t sure if he was feeling her or his own pulse. We haven’t been able to feel her from the outside since. In fact, she’s been rather quiet since, except today – today she seems to be dancing around. 🙂 After those kicks I had another BH contraction. This time I could actually feel it coming on! wow. It wasn’t pain at all, I could just feel that huge muscle tensing. Quite the experience.

Okay, let’s talk nicknames: We’ve been calling our baby “bean” before we knew the gender. After we found out, Peter turned that into “beanette” haha, how cute. Ever after she became his “little princess” – not surprised there 🙂 … We also call her baby girl a lot. Just feels so good to call her that. I try to use her name a bit, so we all get used to it, and I think her nickname will be Vina. Also, for the first time since we found out our baby’s gender, Peter called her “my daughter” after the party. Wow, that sounded so amazing! What a miracle we’re creating!

All right, I just want to throw in a little something that has little to do with my pregnancy, but thought it was the weirdest thing. When I was making the German cherry cake for the party, as I opened one of the eggs, I found something I’d never seen before: Twin egg yolks!!! Omg, does that actually happen? Can you sometimes get two chicken babies from one egg? I couldn’t believe it when I saw it haha. Two little egg yolks cuddled together in that one egg shell, swimming in egg white! So what do we learn from that? Chickens can have twins too!! *** thank you Mary for correcting me, yolks don’t become chickens, they feed the chicken embryos*** So, I guess they aren’t twin chickens, they are twin chicken-feeders 😀

Okay, on to our weekly updates 🙂

Mommy update: On the day of the party (of course that day, couldn’t pick any other, could you?) the skin around my belly button started to really hurt. First I got a little scared and searched online for women experiencing the same. What they said makes sense: skin stretching! I put some oil on it and it helped. That belly is growing. Luckily I have not found any stretch marks yet – but my belly button is shrinking, I swear! Monday I felt Savina move around in my belly. You’ll think: nothing new. Right? Well, it wasn’t a kick this time. I actually felt her move around. Like something going from one part of my belly to another. It was an amazing feeling. Soooo, let’s talk weight gain – I’ve been bouncing between 159 and 161 this week. Average weight gain: 15 pounds.

Baby spotlight: Savina measures about 10 inches head to toe – not to be confused with the ~7.5 inches crown to rump. She should now be sleeping on a somewhat regular schedule. Not sure I’ve noticed that yet. I’ve been reading to her yesterday. My cat, Sue, joined us – lying down on my legs. At one time she put her paw on my belly and rested her head by her paw. She began purring like crazy, and then Savina kicked her haha. Sue didn’t seem to mind that at all.

Here are my belly pics for 21 weeks and 2 days:

(click to enlarge)

21w2d

21w2d

21 weeks – baby kicks and kicks and kicks

Hello there baby! Yep we got to see our little one in 3D/4D this past Saturday, and what a show it was! I’m not going to go into detail here before next Wednesday, because of the upcoming gender reveal party this Saturday. I’m so excited! And there is still so much to do to put it all together. I’ll give you a little “sneak peak” of what I’ve been working on:

  1. I’ve put up a gender voting board with all the old wives tales relating to gender in pregnancy including my answers to how my pregnancy relates to these tales, so you can make your own judgement depending on whether or not you believe in these “legends” that some women came up with a long time ago because they needed a reason for everything that was happening to them. Some say it’s the opposite of what those tales predict, while others find they have their answers all mixed throughout boy/girl which makes the tales hard to believe in because hey, so which of these tales are right and which ones are wrong? But it’s fun to check them out anyway.
  2. I’ve picked up a pinata that we’ll be filling with reveal-fun-stuff.
  3. I’ve got some “lottery” tickets for our very own private baby lottery – there’ll be only one winner with a gorgeous prize.
  4. You’ll get to leave some parenting tips in a displayed envelope, so be ready 🙂
  5. I’m not going too wild on decoration, but I think you’ll enjoy the gentle touch of baby we’re giving it.
  6. You’ll be seeing an image slide show as well as some prints in 2D and 3D, and get to listen to our baby’s heart beat.
  7. After the gender has been revealed, we’re going to play our (roughly 20 min.) 4D session. You’ll get to watch our baby move around, poke its eyes with its toes, put all its fingers in its mouth, smile, pout and more.

So how about that? Excited yet? I sure am!

At the Olive Garden, Sat. June 9

After our amazing ultrasound session, we went out to dinner to our favorite restaurant, the Olive Garden.

I’ll tell you what we did after that next Wednesday 🙂

Last Sunday we had a blast at our International Potluck event hosted by the German-American-Club of Cape Cod.

Sunday June 10

I had a lot of fun selling tombola tickets and helping during the draws.

Baby was very quiet that day – must have been rocked to sleep by my movements lol

Quite the opposite is true for today so far. Our little one has been playing circus in my tummy all morning until now, and still going.

A couple times now our baby figured it would be fun to kick my bladder! It goes like this: do I need to go to the bathroom? No. Then baby kicks. Suddenly I feel like I need to go to the bathroom. After the kick I don’t need to anymore. Also in the past week, I’ve seen my belly move! I was lying on the couch, just looking at my belly, hoping to feel some more kicks. You know, I could do that all day long haha! Suddenly boom! Something moves, visibly, under the skin of my belly! Woa, that was creepy, but so awesome too! Haven’t seen it happen ever since. I wish it would, so Peter can see it too – yes, I know, in time it will. I can’t wait to be able to share this experience with him. The reason Peter has not yet been able to feel baby move seems to be my anterior placenta – yep, found that out at the ultrasound. It also explains why it took me so long to feel first movements/kicks, and why early on it was so hard to find the heartbeat on the doppler. I hope the placenta moves soon. I’d love to feel baby’s kicks stronger!

for our angel

Yesterday I honored our lost baby, lost at 9 weeks 5 days on November 17, 2011. I feared it would be very hard on me, but actually it wasn’t all that bad. I think having seen our heaven-sent blessing just a few days earlier helped tremendously. Also, having our monthly midwife-appointment helped look beyond the past into the wonderful future. Nonetheless, it was a difficult time. When I wrote my poem for our little angel, I read it out loud to see if it sounds right, and if the rhythm is good–it was hard. I couldn’t get past the second stanza without pausing and shedding some tears.

always remembered

I’m grateful for all the experiences I make, good and bad, but there is nothing wrong with some healthy grieving. I know I should be happy and thankful for the little blessing growing inside me now, healthy and strong at 21 weeks – and I am- , but if I let go of that memory, I fear I will lose a little bit of myself, a little something I had to let go of and fly out into freedom. I don’t want to lose that little part of me, that memory, just because this amazing miracle we’d created can’t be physically close to me.

We saw our midwife that afternoon for monthly check-up. My uterus measured about 20 cm, which is perfectly good. Baby’s heart beat ranged from 148 bpm to 153 bpm, and we heard one kick. My midwife, once again, brought me some nice stuff to go through. DVDs and books, interesting stuff about baby, about breastfeeding, and about baby’s position in the uterus. My urine tested fine, and so did my blood pressure. My weight gain is definitely not as regular as in the first trimester. Baby seems to like growing more one week than another, I suppose. I’ve been ranging between 158 pounds and 160 pounds this week. Yup, the big one six o actually came up once. I’m not concerned about it, I just find it fascinating. I’ve gained an average of 14 pounds so far. Monday morning I experienced my first Braxton Hicks contractions. Up until a couple days prior, I didn’t even know they could be completely painless. I woke up in the morning, felt my belly, and thought, wow that tummy is hard this morning. I’m telling you – it was rock-hard! Only for a minute or two. Then it softened. I confirmed with my midwife yesterday that this was a BH contraction and absolutely nothing to worry about so long as it doesn’t last very long and does not come regularly. The uterus is a muscle, and that muscle is doing a ton of work right now.

Baby spotlight: Our little one’s eyebrows and lids are probably present now. Baby measures about 7.5 inches and weighs around 12.5-15 ounces. Grow baby grow! 🙂

Here are my belly pics for this week, taken at 20 weeks 2 days:

(click to enlarge)

20w2d pregnant

grow little one! 🙂

20 weeks – the halfway milestone!

This is absolutely incredible! Baby and I have been together for twenty weeks, can you believe it?! We are half way there! October is closer than ever. Now, some of you may ask ‘what? half way? last I checked half of nine months is 4.5’ … Well, my friend, you’ve been living under a mystery. Pregnancy is actually counted in 10 months (or 40 weeks). Why? Simple… it’s because the count starts before the baby is even conceived: on the first day of a woman’s last period. This can sometimes be two weeks (unlikely); most of the time it’s three or four weeks before ovulation in the new cycle (remember the whole week of menstruation is counted as well).

So twenty weeks… wow! I feel so confident. At the same time of course, my eyes are now moving to the term stillbirth. I try not to think about that at all. It would take away another tiny part of the tiny bit of naivety left in me, if something horrible like that were to happen. Sadly, I do realize that nothing is for certain even now, because if anything happened now, baby could not survive outside the womb. A woman I know from the forumpage I hang out at, a wonderful lady, is going through a rough time just like that right now, and I just wanted to mention that I and the other ladies are thinking of her daily, praying and hoping that her little peanut will make it!

Okay, on to what’s been going on within the past week. Let’s see. I swear my belly button has lost some of its depth. That canyon of a belly button is now a mere riverbed. I really hope it won’t turn into an outie. Outies creep me out… I don’t know why lol

Night before last was really rough. I woke up around 2:30 to go to the bathroom and then simply couldn’t fall back to sleep. My belly started grumbling like crazy, and I was wondering if I should just get up again to get a quick snack, or at least grab the bottle from my night stand and drink some to fill my stomach with something, but I was just toooo tired to move a muscle. And of course the headache that was coming on didn’t help matters. I don’t know how long it took me to fall back asleep. And I woke up still having some leftovers of that headache. At least my kitty kept me some good company, all snuggly right next to my belly. So cute. That cat can be such a dear. She won’t touch that belly of mine anymore, as I mentioned a few weeks ago. A couple days ago she jumped on my desk where I was sitting (she’d usually just jump on me) to get some attention. In the process, she desperately tried to avoid touching my belly and almost slipped during her jump. It was so adorable haha.

I’ve been having some more cramping, round ligament pain only once in a while. Of course there’s still that tailbone pain. I read that this won’t go away until after I give birth. It’s because the baby is pressing on the bone and the nerves. Oh well. Anything for our little bean 🙂 … I’ve been taking some extra supplements lately, which my wonderful midwife suggested. One of them is fishoil. If you know me well, you know I can’t stand even the smell of fish. So I take those fishoil capsules just before dinner, so dinner will (most of the time) mask that gross fishoil taste that comes up when “burping”. The first time I took it, I took it after dinner and the fishoil taste almost made me throw up. Yep, definitely can’t eat fishy stuff – never really could. Yiiiiikes. But this is supposed to help baby’s brain development, so I’ll get through it. My weight throughout this past week has been between 156 and 158 pounds. I’d say I’ve gained an average of 12 pounds so far. Baby must have been on a growth spurt a couple of weeks ago. I gained 3 pounds in just 1 week, then it went back to the steady 1 pound a week I’ve been getting. Trust me, during that time I have not changed my eating habits…Some of it could also be muscle mass, since I have finally found the time to work out in the past two weeks or so.

Soooo, we finally got our ultrasound situation figured out. What a ride that was… I’m sorry but I have to rant a little bit here about our “fabulous” health care system in this country. Since we’re having a home birth, and our prenatal care is through a professional midwife, we need a backup midwife, who is a certified nurse midwife, or CNM, in case complications arise and we need tests and additional ultrasounds ordered and the like. The backup midwife my midwife suggested (because we want to be linked to Jordan Hospital if I need to get to a hospital during labor/delivery) was leaving the office. So we had to figure out who will be taking her place. Finally, when that was figured out, we waited while our midwife tried to get in contact with her. We then learned on Monday that this potential backup midwife first has to check office policy, to see if she is allowed to take us as backup midwife, because we’re doing a home birth. This alone makes me cringe with outrage. She wouldn’t be able to give us an answer until next week. So my dear husband suggested to just call the ultrasound place and make an appointment, and we’d pay for it ourselves. Okay… I called. Well, they won’t give us an appointment unless it comes with a doctor’s order. So my lovely midwife had another backup midwife in mind all the way up in Wellfleet (about 50-60 min. drive from where we live). We’d see her just once to get our gender ultrasound ordered, and then switch to the other backup, if she’s allowed to take us. Well, not so fast. Here is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of: That office would not let us see that midwife unless my PCP is part of their office! I couldn’t believe it when she said that to me! My midwife couldn’t believe it either.
Of course my hormones were going all crazy on me at that point. I want to know my baby’s gender so bad, and I was told that after a certain point the baby may be too big to be able to tell anymore, so I was kind of in a rush here. Let alone our party plans. Finally, the ladies of the forumpage I hang out at helped me a great deal. Thank you so much, you are a true blessing, ladies! I’d been searching for a place that would take us in privately, but those on the Cape would want an earlier diagnostic ultrasound done before they see me. One of them wanted that done after 18 weeks. My last u/s was at 8 weeks… But with the help of those fantastic ladies I found a place that looked neat, friendly, and very inviting. They were fine with an ultrasound image from 8 weeks, and they operate on weekends. A little family business. And in our price range. So we made an appointment! I’m so excited, I can hardly wait.

I hope, also, seeing our little one soon will help me get past the upcoming tear-evoking sadness. In only six days my original due date is coming up. That’s next Tuesday. It saddens me just thinking about it. I definitely want to do something to cherish my little angel. Maybe I’ll get some garden ornament or something and some nice flowers, I don’t know. I just don’t want to push this memory away like a moment in time that has simply come and past, like a rainstorm rushing through. I want to hold this memory dear. There was a little life we created, and it’s still there. I just can’t see it. It’s in heaven.

Baby spotlight: Our little bean measures probably about seven inches – is about the length of a carrot – and weighs about eleven ounces. Our baby’s movements are becoming more coordinated as his or her brain continues to develop. Baby is starting to swallow amniotic fluid now, and since his or her taste buds are developing, and the amniotic fluid changes based on what I eat, he or she may be able to get a taste of what we’re indulging in. That would explain those kicks I felt when eating chocolate by the way 🙂 Baby’s arms and legs are growing into proportion. Baby will be getting on a real growth spurt if it hasn’t already. I noticed being hungry more and more regularly.

All right, here’s what you’ve all been waiting for 🙂 Belly pics! 19 weeks and 3 days at the time the pics were taken.

(click to enlarge)

19w3d

19w3d