Stress no one needs

So I had more bloodwork done yesterday, which was an ordeal in its own right. I went to the lab. They had faxed over the order for me. And then I see the only thing checked off for testing was the hCG beta, but not the progesterone. I said to the receptionist, I need to get progesterone tested too! She offered to call the doctor’s office (this was at ~8:20 am) and I told her forget it, they don’t answer the phone until 10am. She tried anyway, hoping the answering service they have would help her out, but of course they didn’t. So she faxed over the request and told me to wait. So I sat down and waited. And waited. And waited. When 8:40 rolled around, I went up to her and said, you know what, I’m just going to drive down there, I’ll be back in about 30 minutes. I asked if she could at least get me in as quickly as possible when I return and she said yes, just come straight up to me.

So I drive down there and ask the doctor’s assistant if she’d received the fax. She says yes and hands me a paper with the results from last week’s blood test. I said, that’s not what I need, I need you to add progesterone to my order. I’m supposed to have blood work done today. Took her a while to get what I wanted! She apologized and said she isn’t medically trained, so she doesn’t know all the ins and outs of this. I also asked her why they don’t answer the phones until 10am because that day it had really ticked me off. She gave me a shocked stare and said she always turns on the phones at 9am and that the doctor would kill her if she didn’t. I told her the answering service always comes on before 10am and tells me they don’t answer until 10am. So she called them and asked why their patients seem to believe that they don’t answer the phone before 10am. She kept asking and bugging the woman on the line about that and ultimately the woman from the answering service simply hung up on her! Wow.

Anyway, I finally got the correct order and drove back to the lab. She did get me in really fast. I think all the other people waiting (it had gotten quite full since I had left) were kind of pissed to see me get in before them.

At almost 4pm I got the results of the blood test. I’d calculated normal doubling every 48 hours, which should have been about 700 for the hCG. I was a little overwhelmed when she told me my hCG was an amazing 2181! Sweet!

However, my progesterone went down to 22.85. I was devastated, scared, worried. I first consulted with the ladies online, who have had losses, who are pregnant, who are TTC, who have LPD, who are taking supps etc. They told me, which I didn’t know, that progesterone fluctuates during the day. So everything could still be just fine, and even 22.85 is still a really good number (which I knew). I called the pharmacy who filled my prescription for progesterone last year and they told me that it’s not available from the manufacturer anymore as of now. Wow! I called the doctor’s office again just before they closed (they close at 4pm, I called at like 3:58 or so) and told the assistant about my concerns. She said she’d send another email to the doctor, who by the way already wanted me to take the progesterone gel without even having seen the result of the first blood test. I know that progesterone supps can’t hurt you, so I think it would just ease my mind if I took it. I’m hoping to get a call from her today to see what the gyn says. If not, I’ll call the gyn who covered for her last year during my m/c. I also want to do another blood test next Monday or Tuesday, probably Monday, and will ask the assitant to get me an order ready.

Aside from all this unnecessary stress, I’m having a lot more pregnancy symptoms, especially this early on in my pregnancy, than last time, which makes sense with my hCG this high. I’m gassy, I burp more than ever in my life haha, I get fatigued every now and then in the middle of the day, I sometimes get nauseous but that doesn’t happen often yet and doesn’t last long. The cramps have decided to come daily between 11am and 1pm, mostly around noon, for about 5-10 mintues. That’s still a lot less than last time. My boobs are starting to get sensitive. And finally, I’m very emotional at the moment.

All in all I’m still hopeful and have a good feeling about this pregnancy, despite my worrying about the progesterone.

All will be good

It is official: I’m pregnant. Yesterday I got my blood test results from Wednesday. Most definitely positive. My hCG was at 88, which is still low. I am fairly sure that it implanted late this time (with my last pregnancy it was already 351 around this time). But I’m sure it implanted later than my first pregnancy because I experienced IB this time and I got a negative test result at 11DPO, which makes sense because I was still spotting then. I got an extraordinary faint line on Monday, and that was the last day of my spotting, or IB. Taking all this into consideration, 88 makes total sense for the hCG at the time I tested, as hCG is supposed to double every 48 hours and doesn’t start to rise until after implantation. I’m supposed to do another blood test next week. By Monday, and most certainly by Tuesday, my hCG should be up to over 300.

My progesterone was tested too because during my last pregnancy it was really on the low side at 13.4. Of course we didn’t test progesterone until after I had started spotting, so I don’t know what it was at the beginning of the pregnancy–if it had ever been high or not to start.

However, this time my progesterone is almost 3 times as high at 34.32! I was so excited when I heard that number! And I have a really good feeling about this pregnancy. I’m positive that I will carry this one to term.

I’ve been having some symptoms already. Cramps are coming and going. I had my first really bad cramping yesterday around noon. I actually had to lie down and put my feet up. That happened to me during my last pregnancy as well – for at least 2 weeks. So far it’s only been this once and it only lasted for about 5 minutes. So, so far so good. The uterus isn’t stretching for the first time this time around, so I don’t think I’ll see too many more of those cramps.

The other symptom I’ve had so far, is sensitivity of my teeth. My back teeth have been really sensitive to hot/cold these last few days. It’s kind of annoying.

I’ve also been urinating a lot more. That could be due to my extra water intake, but I think sometimes it is already from being pregnant. It’s not quite as bad yet as last time, but here and there I need to go urgently without having drunk too much.

And last but not least, I tend to get really nauseous when I eat too much.

Aren’t pregnancy symptoms a blessing? However annoying or horrible they may be, I love em for the most part – it’s a love/hate relationship. I wish they would stop and I wish they would stay. Right now they’re the only thing telling me: Mommy, I’m here and growing! 🙂

The Art of Knowing Yourself

Today I want to talk about “sharing the news”. While I appreciate and respect that others have a different opinion about this subject, I’d like to discuss how I see this and why.

Many women, including myself, hear it all the time: “Don’t tell anyone until you are 12 weeks. The first trimester is the most dangerous one.” And I understand their view of this. But honestly, what difference does it make?

A woman doesn’t keep it a secret that she has a child of 6 years, 15 years, or whatever, just because the next day her child could die in a tragic accident, does she?! Well, how is being pregnant any different? The woman has a child, whether she is still carrying it inside her or not. It doesn’t matter what age the child is, whether it’s born yet or not. Yes she might lose it, especially in the first 12 weeks, but the same tragic event could happen at 20 weeks, or worse, at 30 weeks. It could happen at any time in the woman’s life.

Some people argue that if you spread the news and then lose the baby early on, you have to deal with telling everyone you lost it, you have to deal with people asking you how it’s going, how your baby is doing and then tell them it died, you miscarried. People seem to think that’s a chore, or more painful than if nobody knew. Well, guess what: it is painful. Why is it painful? Because you told everyone and now have to “disappoint” them and yourself? No… it is painful because you lost your baby! That pain won’t be less painful if you don’t tell anyone you’re pregnant. That pain won’t be more painful if you do tell everybody you’re pregnant. It is the pain of losing a child and nothing will ever change that.

Actually, I dare say it rather helps, having told everyone. At least for me it did. People will be there for you, care about and for you. You can share your pain instead of burying your grief. Yes, you could just go to your friends and say, hey guess what I was pregnant, I didn’t tell you but I was, and now I lost my baby. But it’s not the same. If you walk the path with them from the beginning, they can catch you when you trip, can catch you as you fall. If they haven’t been walking with you, they need to orient themselves first, then rush to where you are going in order to catch you. And sometimes they could arrive too late and you fall into your puddle of grief. Now they need to work harder to get you back out. And they will, because they are your friends.

I told everyone I was pregnant the first time around, yes I made a big deal out of it. I needed my friends by my side all the way. I wanted to share my joy and happiness, and to share my sadness if that were to happen. And it did happen. I miscarried, and my friends were there for me. And I can honestly say, I would not do it any different if I could turn back time. And I will not do it any different in the future, so guess what:

I am pregnant!

Yes. “Shoot me” for telling if you feel you need to, but it’s my choice to tell or not to tell. So to all my friends and family: I’m getting tired of hearing this. I’m sorry but I just don’t see it your way, so please stop pestering me about that :p

A new beginning

So… will there be a little miracle this cycle?

I tested Sunday morning and got a BFN after first using the wrong test. I used Wondfo tests and since I have OPKs and preg tests, they can get mixed up. However, the OPKs are individually wrapped in purple packages and have Ovulation Predictor Kit in big white letters on top, while the preg tests are in blue packages with small print. I only looked at the coloring, took a blue test, and it turned out to be an OPK disguised as a preg test!

What joy there was when I saw a line! And what disappointment when it was pointed out to me that it said LH on the handle and not hCG. And then the BFN on the hCG test shortly after that.

However… will you believe me, when I tell you that some women just have it in their guts? I couldn’t believe I’m not pregnant, yet I was so disappointed to see no line on the preg test yesterday, and almost lost hope for this cycle.

But, I don’t have it in me to give up easily. I tested again this morning… and got a very faint line! I’m starting to understand how so many women can get so addicted to poas – I certainly am going that direction right now. When I got home around 2 pm today, I just had to test again. The faint line was there again, just ever so slightly darker.

I called my doctor to set everything up for blood work. I want to start with the progesterone gel early enough this time. The doctor advised me to wait a couple days before getting the blood work done, so that the numbers would show higher.

I had some bad cramps about 30 minutes ago. And I’ve been running to the bathroom like a crazy person earlier today. It is starting!
The spotting I’ve been seeing since last Friday should stop soon. It has been brown for a couple days now (which means old blood) and must have been IB!

I already know I’m going to test again tomorrow morning, and probably Wednesday morning as well. I may get the blood work done Wednesday or Thursday morning.

And I pray that this one will stick!

Time to heal

I had a follow-up appointment with my regular gyn after passing the fetus. She wanted me to have another ultrasound done to see whether anything was left in the uterus and it turned out there was. She gave me a month to give my body time to pass the rest. Otherwise she’d have me do a D&C … after everything I’d already gone through, I really didn’t want that.

So one month later I had another u/s. They did it with colors this time. The technician said if there are red spots in the uterus area, that means there’s blood, which in turn means there’s still something there that shouldn’t be. When the doctor called me, she confirmed that there was something still left. I told  her that I was getting my period that day, so she asked me to get another u/s done two weeks from when the period started.

Finally, that follow-up u/s, in January, showed that everything was cleared. We were ready to go again! Unfortunately I missed my O that cycle – it happened just before I got the u/s results.

But now we’re back in the game and still hoping for a little miracle this cycle!